Johnny Hammersticks

I don't even care to know... I met my wife when I was 27. After graduate school. I assume she has seen balls before my balls. Don't ask don't tell.

Okay. I woke up at around 3:30 last night and needed to take a leak. I tried the cupping the junk method, first securing the seat to prevent for shifting (thanks JR), but I mistakenly cupped around the rear. It would have been fine, as there is enough room behind my ass for the reach, but I often pass gas when I am going pee. Especially when I am sitting down for a pee. My upper-wrist/forearm took heavy farting fire during the pee. I did not like that. I'm thinking a frontal cup method would be better. BTW...I asked my wife and she says I have long balls. Thanks for your efforts, Beerball. I love the way we all stick together here. Good times and bad... Good god, no.

Haha. Well played.

Sonic is, by far, the best fast food in the US of A. I don't care if it's horse meat. The burgers are pretty darn tasty.

Whataburger!! So freaking good. You and RLB are making me miss the south.

Hmmm. I don't know if I would take a child that age to the haunt for Pig Destroyer. The place can get pretty rowdy...more so I'm guessing for a metal show. The students will be in full force too...place will be packed. Does your boy have the "bar show" experience to be able to handle that?

Cookout is the balls. Best milkshakes in the world.

Get it fixed man. My buddy Jason got his junk caught in the sliding toilet seat, and subsequently went cross-eyed. Got kicked by a mule when he was 7 and they went back to normal. I don't know... I'm not willing to rule anything out at this point.

Yeah. Go early, drink a lot, and try the smoked wings. Pretty decent BBQ there for a bar. Great local music venue with a nice outside deck you can retreat to when it's hot outside. Who is he going to see?

GREAT bud in Ithaca. Some very nice kitty as well. My ex girlfriend went to Cornell, and I used to live with her there summers during undergrad. I'm jealous.

I thought about my technique. Even did a walk through today to ensure that my mechanics were in check. Typically when I sit on my bells, it's off to the side...like under hamstring. Could be. We're not having any more babies, so maybe she wants to destroy my seed. Micro balls?

You make a good point, Tom. Good suggestion.

Have them cut off. Good solution. Common guys...this is serious!!! Obviously, your coin purse isn't large or long enough for you to experience the "pendulum effect." Scrotums stick to warm moist skin! I'm not a scientist, I just know they do. What the hell?!

So you're saying just "suck it up" and live with the excruciating pain of sitting on my balls? No preventative strategies? I have come here for advice. Chef Jim?

My middle nut.

Well, I normally only sit to drop a deuce, but at night when I'm sleepy I will sit down to pee because it's more comfortable. Call me a fem...I don't care.

So you can relate? I try to be careful, but it usually happens during the night when I am sleepy or sometimes drunk. I forget.

Every once in a while, when sitting down on the toilet seat, I will sit right down on and squash one or more of my testicles. My wife came running yesterday when it happened, as she said she though one of the kids was hurting the dog (my pain squeal). Does anyone else have this problem? I don't view myself as having unusually large or long balls, but I think they may be slightly above average. Although it only happens 5 or 6 times per year, I notice it happening more frequently when it is humid outside and things unavoidably stick to my thighs. My friend and colleague just suggested I apply baby powder regularly; especially during the summer when it is hot and humid. Thoughts? Other helpful tips?

Can we reasonably expect him to make a comeback this season? What are the chances he even plays football ever again? I have not even heard any rough speculation from anyone at OBD. Have you?

I wish we would just get an honest prognosis for Henderson. I know. I know. He has a right to confidentiality regard his medical issues. It is just so frustrating though. He showed flashes of very good play when healthy. I don't think Mills is very good, and Cyrus is worse. Ay Caramba!!

All Canadians are friendly.

Gender re-assignment surgery?!

Back when I used to smoke weed, I bought an ounce of really good bud right at the Jamaican airport. Literally 15 yards past customs. It was $35 for like a pillow sized bag. What a country!

Love Jamaica. Been there three times myself. Where are you staying?

They should bring it back. With the voice of ALF being Gary Busey. Comedic gold...