Johnny Hammersticks

Did you know that vending machines kill 4 times as many people as sharks every year?

She dreams is color, she dreams in red. Can't find a better coach....

Charlotte was pretty bad. Going to the Bobcats games were depressing. There'd be like 42 people there. When the Panthers were bad, you didn't even hear about them. People were just...indifferent. When Buffalo played down there the crowd was mostly Bills fans...and Buffalo was horrible that year as well. Terrible sports city.

Here we go... <grabs popcorn>

Today I might cook her breakfast. Tomorrow it's back to the vacuum, stove and washing machine with the ol' bag.

Pft...Vic Carucci broke this story two weeks ago.

Not a high-motor, lunchpail type guy...this Garrett.

Cremation for me. No funeral with my stuffed corpse, thank you, but I'll pay for the booze for my death party. My wife wants to be buried along side her Mother and other family members. To each his/her own.

Man, "whorin" is what you're supposed to do when you're single. I love my wife dearly, but I got married too early. I got married at 30, but had at least 10 more good years of meaningless, filthy, noncommittal sex left in me. I have some interesting lessons to teach my son when he comes of age. Greek, eh? I guess better than Mexican. Carry on, young fella.

What's so special about this bird that you're trying to impress her so much? Doesn't seem like your style...

Should I be worried, or can I just assume the premise for this thread is silly and go about my business?

Start it off like any good meal with a good Manhattan Good southern fried chicken with legit biscuits Seared fois gras and toasted baguette Pork Belly seared to a crisp Bone marrow and toast like grandma used to make it 3 pounds of king crab legs A few bottles of ridiculously expensive montepulciano. Red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting Generous snifter of Gran Marnier. Pull the switch...

Jordan Tucker will announce his decision today. Down to Syracuse and Duke, reportedly. I have no idea, but we really, really need him. Go Orange! Edit: Announcement will come on Twitter at noon. Edit 2: He picked Duke.

I want a QB and I want to win.

I wouldn't believe any of this until it's confirmed by Bigfoot or High Pitch Eric.

Snickers, hollaaaaaaa!!

So, you can no longer get a stiffy?

Frick that, man. Edit: How's that for a snide comment? I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this f$&@ing Strumpet....

Indeed. I failed to mention that the person who shared this opinion also knows Theo personally (he's a pretty well known sports physician). I think he was speaking more to Beane's work ethic and football acumen, and how those attributes compare to Theo's...in his opinion.

Well, obviously...

A former colleague of mine is a team physician for the Panthers. He also shared very favorable opinions of McD and Beane. Referred to Beane as the "Theo Epstein of the NFL."

Seven.

Jason Bateman. He hasn't done anything remotely good since Arrested Development. King of horrible movies.

Heeyyyoooooo!!

Looks to me like both games will have kid's day prices, but only one of the games will have the kid's day "festivities."