Johnny Hammersticks

I'm going to purchase one and bring it to the next concert I attend. Give it to all those morons who watch the ahow through their smart phone.

Are you a ghost? Like Alec Baldwin in Beetlejuice?

Wake up, go to work, take a couple dumps, and maybe eat a meal or two. Every day.

Preach on, brotha!

Please try to keep up, Sir.

I'm pessimistic about being optimistic. Can we add that choice to the poll?

Or....championship?

I'm so done with this team...

The Best Thing I Ever Ate Love that show.

Paging Dr. Gugny!

Fact. Three year old girls never, ever stop talking. Ever. How's a guy supposed to watch Dr. Doolittle 2?

Did you know that vending machines kill 4 times as many people as sharks every year?

She dreams is color, she dreams in red. Can't find a better coach....

Charlotte was pretty bad. Going to the Bobcats games were depressing. There'd be like 42 people there. When the Panthers were bad, you didn't even hear about them. People were just...indifferent. When Buffalo played down there the crowd was mostly Bills fans...and Buffalo was horrible that year as well. Terrible sports city.

Here we go... <grabs popcorn>

Today I might cook her breakfast. Tomorrow it's back to the vacuum, stove and washing machine with the ol' bag.

Pft...Vic Carucci broke this story two weeks ago.

Not a high-motor, lunchpail type guy...this Garrett.

Cremation for me. No funeral with my stuffed corpse, thank you, but I'll pay for the booze for my death party. My wife wants to be buried along side her Mother and other family members. To each his/her own.

Man, "whorin" is what you're supposed to do when you're single. I love my wife dearly, but I got married too early. I got married at 30, but had at least 10 more good years of meaningless, filthy, noncommittal sex left in me. I have some interesting lessons to teach my son when he comes of age. Greek, eh? I guess better than Mexican. Carry on, young fella.

What's so special about this bird that you're trying to impress her so much? Doesn't seem like your style...

Should I be worried, or can I just assume the premise for this thread is silly and go about my business?

Start it off like any good meal with a good Manhattan Good southern fried chicken with legit biscuits Seared fois gras and toasted baguette Pork Belly seared to a crisp Bone marrow and toast like grandma used to make it 3 pounds of king crab legs A few bottles of ridiculously expensive montepulciano. Red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting Generous snifter of Gran Marnier. Pull the switch...

Jordan Tucker will announce his decision today. Down to Syracuse and Duke, reportedly. I have no idea, but we really, really need him. Go Orange! Edit: Announcement will come on Twitter at noon. Edit 2: He picked Duke.

I want a QB and I want to win.