Johnny Hammersticks

My wife caught me about 7 years ago. She had gone to bed and I was downstairs on the couch rubbing out some knuckle children to some HBO late-night T&A. She came downstairs abruptly and caught me in the act. It wouldn't have been so bad except for the fact that she was really, really pregnant at the time. She had hurt feelings because she felt as though I was doing it because (in her eyes) she had become sexually undesirable. No bueno. You know what's worse than getting caught? Talking about getting caught with a marriage counselor. That's fun...

"There's nothing to it but to do it." My Dad when he asked me to clean out the garage.

Don't they have sheep in that country?

Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.

Phunck yeah! Happy Gilmore? Billy Madison? Fuggettaboutitttt!!!

Really? Maybe I'm drinking too slow. I'll crack a beer while I'm mowing the lawn, take a few sips and set it on the back deck stairs, and return after about 5 minutes of mowing and it's already tepid. I like my beer ice cold.

I had no idea these things even existed! I'm going to order a pair right now.

I am so done with that team...

You can pick your friends. You can pick your nose. But you can't pick your friend's nose.

So did you have a good time behind the curtain?

Nice! This defense is markedly better on paper. I'm guessing this move means Bogo is exposed? I like the youngster Guhle, too.

Hmmm...started off year as top pairing, but then slipped down the depth chart only to be a healthy scratch in the playoffs. Anybody like this move?

This happened recently near me. No "feel good story" ending to it though. What the hell is wrong with these people? http://www.burlingtonfreepress.com/story/news/local/vermont/2017/06/06/superintendent-racist-graffiti-found-so-burlington-school/375378001/

I don't know about the coolers, they're just too expensive, but I do have one of the Yeti coffee cups. They're unreal. I drink iced coffee before work sometimes. Last week when it got up to 93 here in Vermont I left it in my cup holder in my car for about 4 hours. When I got in my car to leave work it was about 97 degrees in my car, but amazingly there was still ice in the cup!

Oh yeah, CGF, make sure you do a Bob Marley shot. If you haven't already, you need to try this once in your life.

...right after you clear customs inside the airport. lol I love Jamaica. Have a blast CGF!!

Bravo. Well stated.

These recruits don't need someone to pay for them to get laid. These guys have p$&@y falling all over them on their campus visits.

Thanks. Now I'm going to go downtown and pay a homeless man to kick me in the pills.

Yards before initial contact. Will MG have the same success in NE? https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.patspulpit.com/platform/amp/2017/6/15/15802936/one-statistic-that-could-stop-the-mike-gillislee-hype-train-in-its-tracks

What if I told you she could suck a golf ball through 20 feet of garden hose?

I ran into Barbie last night. My crush from elementary school. She's still got the good stuff!!

Weak. Further magnifies the NCAA's screw job of Boeheim and Syracuse basketball. I hope they have to vacate the championship. Meh....

This should get merged with the Pet Peeves thread in OTW. Cabana boys that take too long to retrieve your umbrella. Got to put him in check!

Was that for real? You're an idiot. Sorry, Tom.