Johnny Hammersticks

You ever watch gladiator movies, mead?

Yikes! I still play in a summer men's league at 38 and it's not pretty. Good for him.

When you get the robot woman at the beginning of your call say "cancel service." That gets you directly to customer retention.

Nice! Good for him. I hope he's scoring some 'tang from the Iowa "lacross-titutes." lol. Chicks love lacrosse players! I actually was trying to pick him out on the roster, and was able to narrow it down a little by the way you have described his HS team. I figured he wasn't one of the Libertyville or Loyola kids. My close friend and former teammate coaches the New Trier varsity squad. I've seen quite a bit of Illinois lacrosse.

...Gugny gently whispered into Johnny's ear "I would do anything for love, but I won't.... Edit: Doh!!

Culture change at OBD across the board. If you act up tailgating or in the stadium, Beane and McCoach will trade you to the Cleveland Browns. "Sweet front flip into the burning table. You've been traded to the Dawg Pound. Enjoy."

...discarded kitty litter, which boyst also used in the bedroom with all of his Tinder "dates" as...

Wow...sounds like quite the accomplished young man. Congrats. Looks like Iowa has a pretty solid club lax team. He should check it out. Quite a few kids from the Chicago area on the squad. http://www.hawkeyelacrosse.com

Can your kid dunk a basketball?

The patient's first words..."how recently have the Bills made the playoffs?"

which is really a farmer euphemism for...

Boyst was a simple man, but enjoyed many masochistic pleasures with his farm animals, including...

You act like this is so far outside the realm of possibility. Are you following along with this whole North Korea thing?

Ummm, okay....well a nuclear holocost is the first thing that pops into my mind.... Does that scare you?

This is what we have lowered our standards to? What's the worst that could happen? Haha. God help us all.

Solid post, man.

I think Aaron Maybin had a similar build...

Trump and Kim...Insane Clown Posse

Of course I think it's sad. Sadly, it keeps me up at night sometimes. I need to stop watching cable news.

My advice to Shady and all the other athletes...stay off social media and stop feeding the troll. The orange troll with road kill affixed to his coconut. This type of response is why Trump makes these comments. Common man!!

I picked up on this after your 3rd post. Beautiful stuff

I'd give up my middle testicle for Sam Darnold. Best QB prospect since Luck, IMO.

What a beautiful garbled mess this is. I read it 3 times, and I still don't know where you're going here, boyst.

Art teachers make the best marijuana edibles.

...kiss, which wasn't strange because his favorite band is Red Hot Chili Peppers, but it was strange because NDBUFFCUSEFAN is also a world champion....