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Johnny Hammersticks

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Everything posted by Johnny Hammersticks

  1. In his defense, however, who hasn’t had to desperately rub one out in a Target parking lot?
  2. Did they just say Iceland beats Argentina 1-1?! What the hell is that??
  3. I believe there was a meeting at school when I shared this Dad joke with my kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Vanallstein. Q: How come momma jack-o-lantern can’t have any babies? A: Because daddy jack-o-lantern has a hall-o-weenie.
  4. Norwegian Wood and In My Life are two of my favorite Beatles tunes. I could play Rubber Soul on repeat. Maybe not the best, but my favorite.
  5. If you can’t beat them on the field, beat them off.
  6. Italy didn’t make it?! That’s like Canada not making the cut in hockey, right?
  7. They all look the same ?
  8. Neil Young. Not even close.
  9. Gosh, this is a snooze fest. I wish Messi would go ahead and bite someone or something.
  10. A newer one I came across last night. Jared Goff pranks a JUCO team by playing a transfer QB. He plays the role awesome...love when he asks the back-up QB if he is the punter ?
  11. I just don't think she's a good singer. In my opinion, her "schtick" is the appeal here...not her actual singing ability. Not impressed. In fact, I find her act to be annoying.
  12. Yeah, bad tooth to gum ratio.
  13. Yes. Because every singer who goes viral on the internet has great talent.
  14. How about if you come to work consistently sleep deprived, and also a little bit drunk still from the night before? Story of my life.
  15. Looks like she could eat an apple through a picket fence. Yes, I would.
  16. Don't you have to take the "s" off of the "https" or something like that? When I cut and paste on my iphone, it just automatically embeds to video...
  17. Should I be impressed? Seems like she just screams the lyrics. I guess she’s pretty good for 13. Also, why does her dancing remind me of the possessed girl from The Exorcist? She’s going to throw out a hip!
  18. Peterman may be the week 1 starter, but they didn’t draft Allen #7 overall to sit him until 2020. Personally, I think Allen wins the job in preseason and is the week 1 starter.
  19. I started working in a restaurant when I was 14, and did everything from dishwasher to front end manager. Worked in restaurants until age 30 when my son was born. A couple of quotes I remember that helped me learn the ropes: “You got time to lean, you got time to clean.” Never stand around when it’s slow. Fold napkins, shine silverware, sweep. Whatever. ”Get this f&$&ing order out of my window right now, or me and Rob (the sautée chef) are going to cut holes in your neck and bump d$&ks in the middle.” Chefs are crude, degenerate mofo’s in general, but it pays to stay on their good side. Make sure to get the food out of the window and onto the tables before it “dies” under the heat lamps. Also, when a chef/bartender is in the weeds (busy), don’t pester them. She doesn’t want to learn this lesson the hard way. Finally, there definitely something to be said for a server/busser being overly attentive. She’ll need to find happy medium between being properly attentive and being annoying.
  20. Definitely NSFW Musician/DJ, Dan Deacon, recorded himself commenting while watching TV with the volume turned off. That audio was then synced to a CGI video of a lizard. People claimed he was on LSD while doing so, but he since has denied that. Randomly hilarious.
  21. A bit blurry, but this one cracks me up every time.
  22. Sadly, Bill Polian has been a train wreck for about 5 years now. Just about everything that comes out of his mouth lately is idiotic. Also, his reasoning for stating that Lamar Jackson should play WR in the NFL instead of QB was that he was “too short.” LJ is 6’3” Time to put Bill out to pasture. https://www.google.com/amp/amp.thecomeback.com/nfl/bill-polian-please-stop-talking.html
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