Winner: The Billdo Toss
Bills fans have earned a reputation for doing a lot of things that don’t make a lot of sense. They like leaping through tailgating tables, sentencing perfectly good furniture to death to demonstrate their fandom. They believed that Josh Allen could become a good quarterback, even though the rest of us thought he was doomed. And then, of course, there is the story of one particular item that makes an annual journey from the bedroom to the football field. I’m talking, of course, of the Bills *****.
Western New York’s favorite sex apparatus made its appearance Saturday night after a Kendrick Bourne touchdown that cut Buffalo’s lead from 30 to 23. After scoring, Bourne noticed the ***** on the ground in the end zone, and pointed it out to an official. (What did he want the ref to do? Throw a flag for ineligible manhood downfield?)
The ***** toss has become an annual tradition in Buffalo, dating back to 2016. The initial ***** tosser claims there wasn’t much logic behind it—he had bought the ***** for a Saturday-night costume party, and decided the next morning that it belonged with the Patriots. He’s been banned from the stadium, but that hasn’t prevented others from following in his footsteps. The Flying of the Phalluses now happens every single time the Bills play the Patriots.
It is a baffling tradition. How do these fans get the dildos past stadium security? (Dildoes? If it were Italian, the plural would be dildi, but I don’t know the etymology here.) Are the dildos used or bought specifically for the purpose of throwing them on the field? Why only against the Patriots? Is there any symbolism here? Are they implying the Patriots are dildos? Are they saying New England needs to go screw themselves? Or is it just a ***** for dildos’ sake?
Regardless, the Bills ***** Toss has become an iconic symbol of one of the best fan bases in football, and their uphill battle to seize control of a formerly one-sided rivalry. All their irrational behavior has paid off. All those tables died so Bills Mafia could watch their beautiful centaur of a QB lead Buffalo to glory, soaring past the Patriots through a cascade of dildos raining down from the stands.