Over drinks one afternoon a buddy of mine and I were discussing former "loves". I told him that I once broke-up with a girl long ago because she had a seemingly incurable speech impediment.
George said, "Jimmy, I'm shocked. I never know you to be one to be prejudiced against handicaps. What was the girl's problem?"
Taking a sip, I paused and reflected. "She couldn't say 'yes'."
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your d!(k.
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a n!pple on it.
What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
Money.
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted.
"I've got an 21 year old stunning bride who's pregnant and having my child!
What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season.
But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a beaver appeared in front of him!
He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the beaver and squeezed the handle."
"And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried. Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No". The doctor continued, "The beaver dropped dead in front of him"
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that beaver." "That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor.