I have a few I really like:
Do you know why you never read about suicides in the newspaper? Because it's not news.
- Joey Comeau
I eat vegetables in case I'd feel worse otherwise. And, so I can't blame anything on vitamin deficiencies. So I can be like: this is me, this is exactly how ****ty I feel.
- John Campbell
If you gave Falwell an enema he could be buried in a matchbox.
- Christopher Hitchens
(I really didn't like Falwell)
and...
Please nigga, I'm immune to all viruses; I get that cocaine, it cleans out my sinuses.
- His Holiness Pope John Paul II