SageAgainstTheMachine

Unheated Chef Boyardee ravioli out of a can. Just give everybody a can (and a can opener if you want to really impress) and then you can really go to town. For dessert, give them directions to the nearest Dairy Queen. A nice touch is sending them along with a coupon if one is available.

Sad, isn't it? Personally, I've used the championship futility of the Bills and Sabres to realize that glory can't be achieved vicariously. During this most recently failure of a Bills season, I said to myself "why drive myself crazy over something I can't control, when I can achieve physical triumph on my own?" I'm aiming to complete a half-marathon in 2011 and a marathon in 2012, and I know those feelings will be 10 times greater than a Superbowl win (which will be spectacular in its own right).

They think that 5 foot 8, 132 is too fat?

Uh yeah, they're different games. Ms Pacman wears a bow and Pacman doesn't. Duh.

Wow, what a strange thing. Are they sure it was related to the video game? As much as we like to try to explain everything medically, people just die sometimes.

I'm a child of the 90's...ya simply can't beat Super Mario World. Played that game til my eyes were bloodshot for about a month straight when I first got a SNES It's a wonder I ever learned to go out and get exercise.

What you should do is rip the cheese platter out of the hands of the waiter/hostess/whoever is presenting it, violently spike it to the ground and scream "FU*K YOU AND YOUR CHEESE PLATTER B word, I'M GOING TO ARBY'S". You're guaranteed to be the talk of the party if you just follow these steps, and it'll probably get you laid too (when you tell the story to all the women at Arby's). As far as the cheese, I'm always a sucker for a nice muenster.

Yep. The true irony is that, while society has grown increasingly narcissistic in the twitter/facebook age, people have the gall to assume that their employers and other people of authority won't be paying attention.

Hmm, that's interesting. I'm afraid I don't understand how one can legally prevent an artist from using their name.

Aren't names public domain? I'm pretty sure if I wanted to create a fictional character whose name just happens to be Elvis Presley, there's nothing his estate can do about it.

You probably mean Eight Men Out, with John Cusack. SAY IT AIN'T SO, JOE!

Yep, rodents who think that aggravated assault is an appropriate response to public urination. By the way, don't be such a drama queen. Treason? Gimme a break. You honestly think this was politically motivated and not just a teenager being a dumbass?

Ah, I see. When you said "everything in moderation", I thought you were referring to your coworker who ate 2/3 of one. My mistake.

You could always walk...not enough walking in this country.

I'm all for for having these mandatory in all cars. Here's my system...If you have a clean record, you'd have to register under the .08 legal limit...that'd maintain the driver's basic freedoms (in other words, if you want to risk driving buzzed, go ahead ya jackass) and effectively eliminate the false positive risk. If you have a conviction on your record, it's .02. Simple enough IMO. People will complain about Big Brother, but I'm sure the same thing happened when front-row seatbelts became mandatory, and I don't see our society turning into dystopia because of seatbelts. In fact, this is even more necessary than seatbelts. If you don't fasten your seatbelt, you're gambling with your own life. If you have a few beers and then drive with a .13, your gambling with the life of everybody on the road. Fact is, we've had automobiles for about a century and the drunk driving problem hasn't even come close to going away. Since we have the technology to save lives, let's save lives.

Moderation, in the context of that monstrosity, would probably be about 1 or 2 bites.

Oh, I'll be getting sh*t-faced...just waiting til Friday or Saturday.

Excellent stuff, BB. My roommates and I live all the way on the South Hill now, but we still make a weekly voyage up to North Campus for some Louie's. Doube cheeseburger with pickles and olives, with an order of cajun fries. Yummmmm.

All I can say is that I've been through this hell...now it's your turn. Don't say I didn't warn ya

Hey all, As you might know from the official happy bday thread, it's my 21st today. Seeing as it's finals week here at Cornell, I'm waiting until the weekend to hit the bars...but I have to fulfill my obligation for buying alcohol on my birthday, so I'm looking to patronize one of the great local vineyards around here. Problem is, as much as I enjoy wine, I know nothing about. Is anybody willing to provide helpful suggestions?

Wow, I don't know what else to say, besides thank you. It is obviously greatly appreciated and I will not forget this favor. Having said that, a couple questions... 1. How will I know Ennifer when I see her? Will there be a color coding scheme? 2. I understand you're helping her to program a GPS for Ithaca. Should I use the same methodology to return her home?

Beautiful, it was 23 AD and they were speaking English. I guess you have to suspend reality about everything.

Interesting. How so?

I don't know if it is such a head-scratcher. IMO even the best players in any sport will have the odd off-day. Sports cliches tell us that truly great players always rise to transcendent greatness when there is a lot on the line...but in reality, a lot can be attributed to random chance. Gretzky laid a couple eggs in big games. Jeter has had his share of 0-5 performances in the playoffs. Favre has blown a few playoff games. Hell, even Jordan had a handful of awful playoff performances...the difference being that Pippen or somebody else usually picked up the slack. Lebron didn't shoot the ball well (or do much else well). It happens. Unfortunately for him, his teammates seem incapable of shouldering the load when he's off his game. If Lebron plays like an MVP in games 6 and 7, I don't doubt that the Cavs will pull the series out. One more hiccup, however, and it's the end of the line once again. Just like last year, all the analysts and experts opined that the Cavaliers would just walk into the Finals for the destined (and disgustingly overhyped) Lebron vs. Kobe matchup, without ever stopping to think that the Celtics and/or Magic would have something to say about it. Fools. Even if the Cavs scratch and claw to win this series, they won't beat the freight train that is the Magic right now. I still can't get over how bad they made the Hawks look.

I always have to laugh when somebody refers to any NFL player as a pus*y. Darth, I'd love to see you walk onto the gridiron and take the type of hits Trent takes.