Carl

I type well, Mr. Beverage Container. I type well. Unfortunately Samuel's current problem is not simply one of intoxication. If it were, the chips would have helped me locate him. As I stated, I fear they have taken him because of the lack of signal. I had already resolved my latest indiscretion with Samuel. When he went missing, his last known location was a trick or treating expedition. The chips tracked him from the area on a very strange and circuitous route and then simply vanished without a distress signal. I would try to follow the advice of of Mr. Sullim, but I know from past experience that my master considers humans as vastly superior to every other species and he considers Canadians to be human; albeit barely. My pleas would fall on deaf ears. Alas, it is with much regret that I must ask for the assistance of the kind but easily distracted man. I am going to do everything I can to avoid the only other person who can help. Mr. Beverage Container, I'd only ask that you give some serious thought to this matter and not simply come up with ad hoc theories on the location of Samuel. My master may heed your requests if you approach the matter in a tactful manner.

Fine gentlefolk of Two Bills Drive, I fear I may need your help. Although it is quite presumptuous of me to ask help from strangers, I feel I must. Please forgive my lack of etiquette. I have been monitoring this thread from near the premises of my home. I am wont to be self reliant, but in this case I fear that is impossible. You see my master tends not to believe things when they are not what he wants to hear. He will use any excuse to deem bad news false. With me delivering the news, the excuse will come easily given my stature in the pecking order of the animal kingdom. I do indeed have a working RFID chip implanted in Samuel; in fact I have two for redunancy. These are of the latest technology which is not available to the general public. They were meant to quell my feelings of jealousy and served that purpose well. Samuel is a loyal mate. Now the chips have generated a far different fear in my heart. These chips send out distress signals upon their demise. There is nothing in existence which can stop these signals from being sent. I have received no such signals. I am not receiveing signals of any type. Until their last transmission, both chips were in a proximity that indiciated their presence within Samuel. He has not, or at least had not been chopped to bits. Still, my mind is racing with thoughts of what may be happening to Samuel. None of them are good. My greatest fear is that they have taken Samuel. Without the assistance of the Googlebot all will be lost. Without convincing my master, I will have no access to the Googlebot. This is where I need your help; especially that of Mr. Beverage Container. Please convince my master that Samuel is in need. Use the password "gherkin" if he does not believe you. Without the fine people of this board, I shudder to give any conjecture as to Samuel's future. Without the fine people of this board, there are only two people who could help me. One of these people is vile, un-couth and demanding. The other is a nice gentleman, but easily distracted and taken off point. I am hesitant to enlist either's help without trying the people herein first. Please use this thread to convince my master to let me have access to the Googlebot. I thank you in advance. This message sent from Carl's Blackberry handheld.

I am thrilled to report that the crisis here is nearing its completion. With your help I was able to trick the dominant mites into causing their own destruction. In their haste for power they looked for a shortcut to escape. I thought they "might" - apologies for the pun. When they swarmed in a monolithic fashion onto Ginny, they could not immediately tell that her growth contained neither memory enhancemnt nor silica. In truth, it was a rather massive Werther's original. As I suspected, once the mites starting eating they could not stop. They overdosed on Werther's and all have perished. I should be clear that I caused their death only as a last resort. I feared for my human friends and indeed for our planet. I think I will always have some regrets about ending these lives, but do take solace in the fact that they would have ended mine with no remorse. The hosts for these villians are just beginning to wake up. I am hopeful that Ginny has even been cured of her afflicition. Who caused that anyway?

Hello again. I am very sorry to concern you but this is potentially dangerous to all of you. You are the only ones with whom I can converse. While I am currently safe in my micro-bubble, the drones are in constant pursuit. While you are all currently safe, if the zombie masters get ahold of one secret, all the doors will be unlocked and their rampage will spread. There is nothing to suggest the will discover the secret. By the same token, there is no limitation on their time. There are ample supplies to have them survive for quite many months. My fear is that they discover that the growth on Ginny's neck will give them what they need. If they each consume a small piece of this and return to their respective host, they will have recall of all the hosts' memories. I took a small sample of the growth and had it analyzed. It is part silica and part memory hormone. Please say a prayer with me that the zombie masters do not discover the substance.

First let me assure our concerned member from beatiful San Diego, that I am quite lucid and to not partake of drugs. As for the rest of you, I also have some reassurance and some fear. The drones that wander about this wonderful complex seem to have but one thing on their mind. This is gaining the knowledge of the lockdown codes. They are desparately trying to find me and have me give the codes to them. The reassurance I can offer is that I do not in fact know the codes. I can offer no help. Still, I live in fear because I am sure they will not believe me. Now for the bad news. Having done some testing, I have discovered that the answer to their prayers is right in front of them, and in one case on them. If they make this discovery, they will know the codes and many other things which will free them. I fear what they could and would do in the outside world. It seems to me only a matter of time before they discover the key to gaining knowledge. I hope none of you mind being my sounding board. I am all alone here and trying to solve this problem. I know you cannot help because you cannot see what is going on. From time to time I will give you updates and probably let you know my worries as well. Thanks for listening.

Hello all. It has been a while since we conversed. I should explain that I meant you know slight, it is just that I had to dedicate some time to my troubled son Adolph. I was at his Petsmart pavilion for some time trying to talk sense into him but that is another story for another day. Upon my return to this wonderful venue, I quickly realized that something has gone awry. When I first entered the compound, I noticed that the lockdown settings had been initiated and were near completion. As a precaution I switched on my micro-bubble. I began to move about rather stealthily, also a precaution. I am glad that I did. Each and every member of the compound seems to be walking about in a catatonic state. They are trying to break out of lockdown. The odd part is that my master, Sammy and some of the other staff know how to shut that function down. If they are trying to get out, why can't they? At one point I was discovered by Ginny, but it didn't really seem to be her. She was asking questions about the control panel in a dronish monotone manner and did not have her usual friendly warmth. She leaned quite far to her left and has a large carmel colored growth on her neck. Needless to say, I did not deactivate the micro-bubble. Ginny is the only one with the growth but everyone else acts like her. They all speak in an odd pattern with rhymes. It is quite disconcerting. Presently I am trying to assess the situation and having much difficulty. Any assistance in that regard, would be most appreciated. I am in hiding because the drones are looking for me. Although I am confident the micro-bubble will hold, it cannot be powered forever. It was with great risk that I briefly switched it off when I stumbled upon Sammy's Blackberry and had it join me in the bubble. At least now I can communicate but I am still confused. Please help. With great anticipation and respect, Carl